Rules
Yes, even mustaches have boundaries.
Lest you think this is some front for a bunch of guys who just don’t want to shave, our Ethics Committee has come up with Mustache Growing Rules.
- November 19th, 2009 is Clean Shaven Day. Participants will shave their faces clean of any and all facial hair. This includes, but is not limited to: mustaches, beards, goatees, muttonchops, chinstraps, soul patches, sideburns that extend below the top of the earlobe, and Van Dykes.
- For the duration of four weeks sweet Mustaches will be grown for the world to behold. During that time, there will be weekly Mustache Checkpoint Days at a local watering hole. All involved will shave their mugs on Checkpoint Days, save for the area above their upper lips. No fair growing a full beard or goatee for a month, and then shaving down to just the Mustache. The Mustache must only stretch from one corner of your mouth to the other corner.
- No Hitler Mustaches are allowed. Also, no John Waters Mustaches. We’re aiming for Burt Reynolds style ’staches here.
- The use of growth hormones or other Mustache Growing Performance Enhancers is not condoned or sanctioned by Mustaches for Kids. We feel that these violate the spirit of the contest.
- Though the Mustache Checkpoints are not mandatory – Mustaches for Kids believes in the Honor System – they are a great opportunity to encourage your Mustache brothers-in-arms during the growing season. Mustaches for Kids representatives will be available at all Checkpoints to address any Mustache questions or concerns. And we will drink beer.
- With such burgeoning Mustaches firmly in place, fundraising should be a walk in the park. The minimum Pledge Goal for each Grower should be $100, all donations should be sent through here. Please be aware of and obey all local laws when soliciting donations.
- While Mustaches for Kids does not endorse trash-talking or making disparaging comments of any kind about another Grower’s Mustache, there are a number of unsubstantiated medical theories that Mustache Abuse stimulates follicle growth.
- When all is said and done, a Mustache Competition will be held on December 17th, 2009, where a panel of judges will select the Sweetest ‘Stache, using a complicated and very scientific set of criteria. Mustaches will be judged solely on these standards; race, creed, nationality, sexual orientation, and popularity will not be taken into consideration. As in past years, booing will not be tolerated, especially by rival competitors; this is for charity, after all. Much like the Mustache Checkpoints, the final judging should foster a party-like atmosphere to celebrate the fruits of everyone’s Mustache labors. And we will drink beer.
- While the Growing Season will end after four weeks, there is no deadline for fundraising. Donations can be made here any day of the year, ’stache or no ’stache.
- Finally, while merchandising is encouraged, please do not violate any local, state, or national statutes. For example, sales tax regulations may apply. And all profits must be donated as well.
- Good luck and good growing.